gatekeeper53
10-30-2006, 07:35 PM
You guys talking about taxes made me remember this old piece I got several years ago.
NOAH IN 2003 or 04 or 05 or 06..........
It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United
States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says "In one year I am
going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save
the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to
build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah
took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark
and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a
tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard
weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best
but there were big problems. First, I had to get a
permit for construction and your plans did not comply
with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and
redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation
devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with the National
Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got
sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me
only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified
me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had
no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed
with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that
I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to
avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some
kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
recreational water craft.
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that
since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious
event and therefore unconstitutional."
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another
5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the
seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going
to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already
has."
NOAH IN 2003 or 04 or 05 or 06..........
It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United
States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says "In one year I am
going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with
water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save
the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to
build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah
took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark
and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a
tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard
weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best
but there were big problems. First, I had to get a
permit for construction and your plans did not comply
with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and
redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation
devices.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating
zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
yard, so I had to get a variance from the city
planning commission.
I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the US Forest
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
catch any owls. So, no owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with the National
Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, I got
sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me
only taking two of each kind aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified
me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an
environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had
no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
universe.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed
with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that
I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard!
The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm
building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to
avoid paying taxes.
I just got a notice from the State that I owe some
kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a
recreational water craft.
Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
against further construction of the Ark, saying that
since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious
event and therefore unconstitutional."
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another
5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the
seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going
to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already
has."