Robert P. Herbst
09-01-2007, 10:16 AM
HAIR
Written January 22, 1993 Fiction 1254 Words.
Copyright © 1993 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
Ever since I can remember I have had to endure the discomfort and humiliation of periodic hair-cuts. Many people have told me hair-cut's don't hurt. Unfortunately for me, I'm not growing their hair on my head. My hair-cuts hurt.
I worked hard to eat the right foods, exercise and all , in order to grow the perfect hair for my head. Then to have someone hack it off, throw it on the floor and walk on it! This hurts both mentally and physically. Somehow, it pains me to watch parts of me fall to the floor only to be trampled under foot and, in the end, left behind when I leave the barber shop. This pain is transmitted to the ends of my hair. OUCH! Then the humility of having to leave the barber shop with my naked scalp showing through all those short little hairs.
Adding to the pain and frustration, the person doing the hair-cut expects to be paid. This has always seemed strange to me, after all they get to keep my hair. Isn't this enough? I worked hard to grow hair, now I have to leave it behind and pay for it to be removed.
Through the years I have found with request for various types of short hair-cuts, I can prolong the period between these painful experiences. The shorter the hair is after the hair-cut, the longer the hair-cut lasts. Logical, right?
The barber, on the other hand, always tries to leave my hair long and scraggly, just so I will have to come back more often. I am told over and over again , "You look better with long hair."
Well my Dad always told me; the way to tell boys from girls was because girls have long hair. I have found, through the years, good old dad was wrong about this and several other things as well.
I have found a crew cut lasts longer than some of the other styles. The "Flat-top" and "Von Hindenburg" are other fine examples of short hair-cuts.
It's much like shaving, people with beards have obviously found an acceptable way to prolong the period of time between shaves. I have tried to grow a beard on a several occasions but my hair was a light color so even at its fullest, it looked more like I had a dirty face than a full growth of beard.
Using the above theory I get a crew-cut. In this way, I prolong the period between hair-cuts. I don’t get another one until my hair hangs down to my ears. At this point I have to get it cut off again because I just can't stand the hair tickling the tops of my ears. I can usually get a month or better out of a hair-cut, sometimes two if I can get a proper crew-cut.
The barber I usually use is a happy sort but sometimes loses sight of the fact, it’s my head and as such, it's my decision what kind of hair-cut I want. I ask for "short" but because of my personal preference. The sneaky barber will sometimes leave the hair a little longer than I would like anyhow.
I realize there is sound business reasoning behind this move. It means the hair will begin tickling the tops of me ears sooner and I will be back for another hair-cut in a shorter period of time. I find this practice both sneaky and mercenary.
Long have I wondered, if by the application of a small amount of static electricity the barber could create the perfect hair-cut. It seems to me a process similar to this was tried back in the fifties.
In this process a small charge of static electricity would be placed in the customer. This would cause all the hair on the customer's head to stand out on end. The ends of the hair could then be cut and shaped to the ideal configuration. It could even be done by oneself with a little practice.
Of course, there is always the discharge of static electricity to consider after the hair-cut. If enough voltage were used the customer might throw a spark ten feet or more.
On the other hand I have often wondered if there were some other hidden reason, some dark and insidious motivation which drives the barber.
Through all these years I had never thought about the hair I leave behind on the floor of the barber shop. What happens to this hair? Could this be the catalyst driving the barber in their mercenary task?
Up north it never really bothered me. I assumed it was used to stuff pillows or something like this. I know for sure it isn't wasted. It's a sin to waste anything.
Now, I live in Mount Perry, Florida, much closer to the tropics and the home of "Voodoo Cults". Suddenly, the importance of the hair I leave behind on the floor takes on a whole new meaning.
Recently I have taken to watching what happens in the barber shop as I am about to leave. It only makes my suspicion darken.
As I leave, the barber meticulously sweeps up each strand of fallen hair. When asked why, they will tell you it is to keep their place of business clean and neat for the next client.
The hair is swept into a pan which is taken into the back room where, they will tell you, the garbage pail is kept. Have you ever been invited to the back room of your barber shop to see this garbage pail? Not Likely!
If one were to become truly suspicious and sneak into the back room un-noticed. One might find rows of small bags containing hair, each with the name of the person from whom the locks were shorn printed plainly on a tag tied to the bag.
On the other side of the dimly lit room, one might find rows of hairless dolls. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on here.
Further back in the room one will probably find more dolls only these dolls will have a full head of hair and names printed on their chests. A box of long hat pins could probably be found nearby.
There will probably be heavy smell of incense and a smoking alter in the center of the room, with more hairy dolls strewn about. Each with one or more hat pins stuck in them.
These dolls around the alter will probably have little notes stuck to them with the pins. The notes would, no doubt, say things like, "Too small a tip!", "Nasty disposition!", "Hair too hard to cut!" "Demands crew cut!" and the likes.
With any kind of luck, you might just find one with your name on it. In my case finding such a doll would go a long way toward explaining a lot of recent happenings. If you do find one with your name on it, treat it gently. Remove the pins and next time leave a bigger tip.
What do you think the note on the doll with you're name on it is going to say? Think about these things the next time you sit down in a barber's chair and the barber begins snipping off all your hair. All the while lulling you into a false sense of security with small talk.
Remember, Voodoo is everywhere!
Written January 22, 1993 Fiction 1254 Words.
Copyright © 1993 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
Ever since I can remember I have had to endure the discomfort and humiliation of periodic hair-cuts. Many people have told me hair-cut's don't hurt. Unfortunately for me, I'm not growing their hair on my head. My hair-cuts hurt.
I worked hard to eat the right foods, exercise and all , in order to grow the perfect hair for my head. Then to have someone hack it off, throw it on the floor and walk on it! This hurts both mentally and physically. Somehow, it pains me to watch parts of me fall to the floor only to be trampled under foot and, in the end, left behind when I leave the barber shop. This pain is transmitted to the ends of my hair. OUCH! Then the humility of having to leave the barber shop with my naked scalp showing through all those short little hairs.
Adding to the pain and frustration, the person doing the hair-cut expects to be paid. This has always seemed strange to me, after all they get to keep my hair. Isn't this enough? I worked hard to grow hair, now I have to leave it behind and pay for it to be removed.
Through the years I have found with request for various types of short hair-cuts, I can prolong the period between these painful experiences. The shorter the hair is after the hair-cut, the longer the hair-cut lasts. Logical, right?
The barber, on the other hand, always tries to leave my hair long and scraggly, just so I will have to come back more often. I am told over and over again , "You look better with long hair."
Well my Dad always told me; the way to tell boys from girls was because girls have long hair. I have found, through the years, good old dad was wrong about this and several other things as well.
I have found a crew cut lasts longer than some of the other styles. The "Flat-top" and "Von Hindenburg" are other fine examples of short hair-cuts.
It's much like shaving, people with beards have obviously found an acceptable way to prolong the period of time between shaves. I have tried to grow a beard on a several occasions but my hair was a light color so even at its fullest, it looked more like I had a dirty face than a full growth of beard.
Using the above theory I get a crew-cut. In this way, I prolong the period between hair-cuts. I don’t get another one until my hair hangs down to my ears. At this point I have to get it cut off again because I just can't stand the hair tickling the tops of my ears. I can usually get a month or better out of a hair-cut, sometimes two if I can get a proper crew-cut.
The barber I usually use is a happy sort but sometimes loses sight of the fact, it’s my head and as such, it's my decision what kind of hair-cut I want. I ask for "short" but because of my personal preference. The sneaky barber will sometimes leave the hair a little longer than I would like anyhow.
I realize there is sound business reasoning behind this move. It means the hair will begin tickling the tops of me ears sooner and I will be back for another hair-cut in a shorter period of time. I find this practice both sneaky and mercenary.
Long have I wondered, if by the application of a small amount of static electricity the barber could create the perfect hair-cut. It seems to me a process similar to this was tried back in the fifties.
In this process a small charge of static electricity would be placed in the customer. This would cause all the hair on the customer's head to stand out on end. The ends of the hair could then be cut and shaped to the ideal configuration. It could even be done by oneself with a little practice.
Of course, there is always the discharge of static electricity to consider after the hair-cut. If enough voltage were used the customer might throw a spark ten feet or more.
On the other hand I have often wondered if there were some other hidden reason, some dark and insidious motivation which drives the barber.
Through all these years I had never thought about the hair I leave behind on the floor of the barber shop. What happens to this hair? Could this be the catalyst driving the barber in their mercenary task?
Up north it never really bothered me. I assumed it was used to stuff pillows or something like this. I know for sure it isn't wasted. It's a sin to waste anything.
Now, I live in Mount Perry, Florida, much closer to the tropics and the home of "Voodoo Cults". Suddenly, the importance of the hair I leave behind on the floor takes on a whole new meaning.
Recently I have taken to watching what happens in the barber shop as I am about to leave. It only makes my suspicion darken.
As I leave, the barber meticulously sweeps up each strand of fallen hair. When asked why, they will tell you it is to keep their place of business clean and neat for the next client.
The hair is swept into a pan which is taken into the back room where, they will tell you, the garbage pail is kept. Have you ever been invited to the back room of your barber shop to see this garbage pail? Not Likely!
If one were to become truly suspicious and sneak into the back room un-noticed. One might find rows of small bags containing hair, each with the name of the person from whom the locks were shorn printed plainly on a tag tied to the bag.
On the other side of the dimly lit room, one might find rows of hairless dolls. It really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on here.
Further back in the room one will probably find more dolls only these dolls will have a full head of hair and names printed on their chests. A box of long hat pins could probably be found nearby.
There will probably be heavy smell of incense and a smoking alter in the center of the room, with more hairy dolls strewn about. Each with one or more hat pins stuck in them.
These dolls around the alter will probably have little notes stuck to them with the pins. The notes would, no doubt, say things like, "Too small a tip!", "Nasty disposition!", "Hair too hard to cut!" "Demands crew cut!" and the likes.
With any kind of luck, you might just find one with your name on it. In my case finding such a doll would go a long way toward explaining a lot of recent happenings. If you do find one with your name on it, treat it gently. Remove the pins and next time leave a bigger tip.
What do you think the note on the doll with you're name on it is going to say? Think about these things the next time you sit down in a barber's chair and the barber begins snipping off all your hair. All the while lulling you into a false sense of security with small talk.
Remember, Voodoo is everywhere!