Robert P. Herbst
10-06-2007, 09:54 PM
SUPER MARKET
Written October 4, 2007 Fiction 1185 Words
Copyright © 2007 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
Just the other day, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot, arrived in the shop for his morning coffee with the gang, in a terrible state of humor. He was very angry about the new Super Marker which had just opened in our town. The Super Market was supposed to be the last word in modern conveniences and services. Yodar had nothing nice to say about the place.
We set about trying to calm Yodar so we could try to understand why he was so upset. The upshot was, he said the Super Market was haunted and there were unfair practices at the check out lines. This was hard for us to believe, in order for a place to be haunted, someone was supposed to have died an unnatural death there. Then the spirit of the deceased would come back and visit the place until the reason for the unnatural death was put right.
We tried our best to explain this to Yodar, but he insisted the place was haunted and just going to the bathroom in the place had frightened him almost to death. Now, most of us have heard of ghosts haunting various rooms in a house, but the Men’s Bathroom? This was hard to believe. There had to be an answer here, we just needed to get Yodar settled down to a point where he could coherently tell us what in Heavens Name had happened to upset him so terribly.
Anyhow, as Yodar explains things; He had a need for some groceries and decided to by pass the store he usually shops at and see if he could save some money by shopping at the Super Market. When he arrived at the Super Market, there was, according to Yodar, a large black and ominous looking cloud hanging over the building.
Yodar was relieved to see the Mount Perry Air Force hard at work trying to shoot the a errant cloud from the sky. On entering the store, he took a quick look around. Yes, he admitted, things were cheaper there and he found many things to buy as he wandered up one isle and down the next.
About half way through his shopping spree, Yodar had a “call of nature”. He needed to use the store bathroom. A friendly clerk directed him to the back of the store where he found two bathrooms, one for the ladies and one for men. They were quite modern looking and equipped for the handicapped. Everything seemed quite normal. The only thing wrong was the lights were out.
Yodar says he stopped at the doorway and felt around on the wall for a light switch. As he felt further into the room for the switch, the lights suddenly came on. Who had turned them on? He was entering a dark room and could find no light switch, knowing he was considered the town idiot, Yodar felt there had to be some prankster hiding in there to confuse and befuddle him.
Angered and determined to confront the hoodlum, Yodar searched for over an hour but could find no one but himself in the room. Confused and dismayed, he used the needed facility and when finished, looked for the handle to flush the toilet with. There was no handle. Even more confused now, but relieved, Yodar made up his mind to report this the missing handle to management as soon as he left the bathroom, but as soon as he stepped away from the toilet, the thing flushed all by itself.
Now, Yodar was getting scared. Things were happening around him for no apparent reason. This scared him so much, he needed to go to the bathroom again, this time using the urinal. Once again there was no handle to flush with, outright fear now gripped Yodar’s heart. Once again, as he stepped away, the thing flushed all by itself.
Now trembling with rear, Yodar went to the sink to wash his hands. Water spurted from the faucet without his touching anything. Terror now gripped Yodar’s heart in a vice like grip as he recoiled from the sink. As he did so, the water stopped flowing.
There had to be someone in there doing this, and Yodar made another complete search of the room, but found no one. The only other explanation was, there had to be a Poltergeist in there with him. Rather than risk serious injury to himself by the Poltergeist, Yodar decided to leave the Men’s Bathroom as quickly as possible.
As he moved toward the door, he sought to avoid the sink and opted to move along the side of the room where the urinals were bolted to the wall. As he once again passed near the first urinal, the thing flushed. Yodar let out a scream of terror and raced from the bathroom letting everyone within earshot know there was a Poltergeist loose in the Men’s Bathroom. As if to confirm his worst fears, the lights in the Men’s Bathroom immediately turned off as he left the room.
Naturally the store security people immediately fell on him and restrained him from making any further disturbance. Yodar agreed to go on quietly about his business if the security people would let him go, but under no circumstances would he go anywhere near the Men’s Bathroom.
Utterly used up by his experience in the Men’s Bathroom, Yodar sat for a moment or so in the little coffee shop to have some coffee and regain his composure. During this time, Yodar observes the many people with shopping carts piled high with goodies going through a lane where each item was scanned by a machine, then the people had to pay for all the stuff, before the people were allowed to leave the store.
Although shaken by his earlier experience, Yodar reasoned, “If it works one way, why not the other way?” Immediately, Yodar raced about in the store piling his cart high with just about anything he could get into it.
Then he went to the “Check Out Lane” but instead of standing in line with the other customers, he went to the opposite end of the checkout line and heaped his goodies on the belt to be checked out. The clerk totaled everything up and told Yodar he needed to pay $176.98.
Yodar refused saying, “I’m checking this stuff in, not out. Couldn’t you see I came through the line from the other end?”
Once again the store security people descended on Yodar and ejected him from the store telling him he should never darken their door step again. By the time Yodar was put out of the store, the Mount Perry Air Force had dealt with the dark cloud and Yodar felt it safe to walk home after his terrifying experience in the Men’s Bathroom.
It took the rest of the day to explain to Yodar what had happened to him in the store, and I’m not at all sure he understands now.
Written October 4, 2007 Fiction 1185 Words
Copyright © 2007 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
Just the other day, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot, arrived in the shop for his morning coffee with the gang, in a terrible state of humor. He was very angry about the new Super Marker which had just opened in our town. The Super Market was supposed to be the last word in modern conveniences and services. Yodar had nothing nice to say about the place.
We set about trying to calm Yodar so we could try to understand why he was so upset. The upshot was, he said the Super Market was haunted and there were unfair practices at the check out lines. This was hard for us to believe, in order for a place to be haunted, someone was supposed to have died an unnatural death there. Then the spirit of the deceased would come back and visit the place until the reason for the unnatural death was put right.
We tried our best to explain this to Yodar, but he insisted the place was haunted and just going to the bathroom in the place had frightened him almost to death. Now, most of us have heard of ghosts haunting various rooms in a house, but the Men’s Bathroom? This was hard to believe. There had to be an answer here, we just needed to get Yodar settled down to a point where he could coherently tell us what in Heavens Name had happened to upset him so terribly.
Anyhow, as Yodar explains things; He had a need for some groceries and decided to by pass the store he usually shops at and see if he could save some money by shopping at the Super Market. When he arrived at the Super Market, there was, according to Yodar, a large black and ominous looking cloud hanging over the building.
Yodar was relieved to see the Mount Perry Air Force hard at work trying to shoot the a errant cloud from the sky. On entering the store, he took a quick look around. Yes, he admitted, things were cheaper there and he found many things to buy as he wandered up one isle and down the next.
About half way through his shopping spree, Yodar had a “call of nature”. He needed to use the store bathroom. A friendly clerk directed him to the back of the store where he found two bathrooms, one for the ladies and one for men. They were quite modern looking and equipped for the handicapped. Everything seemed quite normal. The only thing wrong was the lights were out.
Yodar says he stopped at the doorway and felt around on the wall for a light switch. As he felt further into the room for the switch, the lights suddenly came on. Who had turned them on? He was entering a dark room and could find no light switch, knowing he was considered the town idiot, Yodar felt there had to be some prankster hiding in there to confuse and befuddle him.
Angered and determined to confront the hoodlum, Yodar searched for over an hour but could find no one but himself in the room. Confused and dismayed, he used the needed facility and when finished, looked for the handle to flush the toilet with. There was no handle. Even more confused now, but relieved, Yodar made up his mind to report this the missing handle to management as soon as he left the bathroom, but as soon as he stepped away from the toilet, the thing flushed all by itself.
Now, Yodar was getting scared. Things were happening around him for no apparent reason. This scared him so much, he needed to go to the bathroom again, this time using the urinal. Once again there was no handle to flush with, outright fear now gripped Yodar’s heart. Once again, as he stepped away, the thing flushed all by itself.
Now trembling with rear, Yodar went to the sink to wash his hands. Water spurted from the faucet without his touching anything. Terror now gripped Yodar’s heart in a vice like grip as he recoiled from the sink. As he did so, the water stopped flowing.
There had to be someone in there doing this, and Yodar made another complete search of the room, but found no one. The only other explanation was, there had to be a Poltergeist in there with him. Rather than risk serious injury to himself by the Poltergeist, Yodar decided to leave the Men’s Bathroom as quickly as possible.
As he moved toward the door, he sought to avoid the sink and opted to move along the side of the room where the urinals were bolted to the wall. As he once again passed near the first urinal, the thing flushed. Yodar let out a scream of terror and raced from the bathroom letting everyone within earshot know there was a Poltergeist loose in the Men’s Bathroom. As if to confirm his worst fears, the lights in the Men’s Bathroom immediately turned off as he left the room.
Naturally the store security people immediately fell on him and restrained him from making any further disturbance. Yodar agreed to go on quietly about his business if the security people would let him go, but under no circumstances would he go anywhere near the Men’s Bathroom.
Utterly used up by his experience in the Men’s Bathroom, Yodar sat for a moment or so in the little coffee shop to have some coffee and regain his composure. During this time, Yodar observes the many people with shopping carts piled high with goodies going through a lane where each item was scanned by a machine, then the people had to pay for all the stuff, before the people were allowed to leave the store.
Although shaken by his earlier experience, Yodar reasoned, “If it works one way, why not the other way?” Immediately, Yodar raced about in the store piling his cart high with just about anything he could get into it.
Then he went to the “Check Out Lane” but instead of standing in line with the other customers, he went to the opposite end of the checkout line and heaped his goodies on the belt to be checked out. The clerk totaled everything up and told Yodar he needed to pay $176.98.
Yodar refused saying, “I’m checking this stuff in, not out. Couldn’t you see I came through the line from the other end?”
Once again the store security people descended on Yodar and ejected him from the store telling him he should never darken their door step again. By the time Yodar was put out of the store, the Mount Perry Air Force had dealt with the dark cloud and Yodar felt it safe to walk home after his terrifying experience in the Men’s Bathroom.
It took the rest of the day to explain to Yodar what had happened to him in the store, and I’m not at all sure he understands now.