Robert P. Herbst
10-06-2007, 09:55 PM
TRANS ATLANTIC FREEWAY
Written October 1, 2007 Fiction 1077 Words
Copyright © 2007 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
The news of the day centers around the announcement of a cooperative effort between the fearless elected leaders of both Mount Perry, Florida, and Worsbrough Dale, England, to build the World’s First Trans Atlantic Freeway. This freeway will start from a point just below the front of the Swamp County Court House here in Mount Perry, and end in the very center of Worsbrough Dale, England.
Although there is some question about the credentials of the roadway’s designer Dr. Cul DeSack, the project has garnered the unwavering support of the Worlds eminent super highway designer, Dr. Hi Way. Although Dr. DeSack has never built a road with an outlet, Dr. Way assures us Dr. DeSack is quite capable of completing this project.
Of concern to those of us, not versed in the art of road building, are the two pear shaped areas out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean which don’t seem to connect the two ends of the roadway but apparently terminate in a turn around area. At the opposite end, they are called, Round Abouts in England. Exactly why Round Abouts are needed in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean is still a burning question, plans to build the roadway seem to be on track.
Although the cost of this operation is to be shared by the residents of both Mount Perry and Worsbrough Dale, there seems to be some subdued grumbling. Our fearless leaders assure us the payment of additional taxes to pay for the highway will be more than made up for by the increase in business brought to Mount Perry by the influx of English Tourists who would normally land by air plane at Jacksonville or Orlando and American tourists who would normally land at Heathrow or London..
Unfortunately, this same line did not work as well in Worsbrough Dale, resulting in the hanging of effigies outside their town hall. Although we are assured all is well over there, there is some question about why their newspapers said the effigies were hung, then drawn and quartered before being buried alive in a local peat bog. Although this sort of barbaric behavior is looked on with a certain amount of disdain, by the good Christian folk here in Mount Perry, there is a small, but growing, group of residents contemplating the same thing here.
Naturally, in the absence of a peat bog, we would have to chain the effigies to trees out where the Fire Ants, Carnivorous Insects, Poisonous Snakes, Large Black Hairy Spiders and Hungry Alligators could get at them. This would be more in keeping with the history of Mount Perry anyhow.
Although questioned about the strange shape of the roadway in the mid Atlantic, Dr. DeSack had only this to say, “I had to give them somewhere to turn around or they’d be pushing each other off the end.”
Somehow, this seemed to satisfy our fearless leaders who approved the project and allocated a new tax structure to pay for the road assuring all who listened, a temporary toll booth would be set up at this end to collect revenue to help offset the tax burden. We have been assures this will only be a temporary measure.
There are those of us who remember how our fearless leaders, when running a tad short of money, usurped the Excise Tax on each gallon of gasoline sold. This tax was to be used exclusively for the maintenance of roads and bridges. Then the tax was to be put back into the hands of the roads department to be used again for the intended purpose.
Although few remain, there are those of us who do remember the promises of our fearless leaders as they allowed the construction of TEMPORARY TOLL BOOTHS at various bridges and tunnels. These toll booths were to be torn down as soon as the cost of building the road, tunnel or bridge was covered. Now, some 60 years later, the toll booths are still there, collecting ten twenty or up to 500% more than they did when they were built.
Now comes the question of refueling as one drives contentedly across the Atlantic Ocean. Who will own, maintain and sell from these fueling stations. It seems Dr. Way has the answer in the formation of the Way Fuel Oil Company. His motto will be, “If you’re driving across the Atlantic and think you might run out of fuel, we have a WAY for you to fill up.”
There is an English Company run by Wally Turkey of Worsbrough Dale, England who has agreed to take the responsibility on the English end of the roadway. Mr. Turkey has also accepted the responsibility of collecting the tolls at his end. Although the name is not quite as sophisticated as Dr. Way’s name, Turkey Gas does get the message across.
In an effort to eliminate confusion and delay, the toll booths at both ends will be located a few miles out at sea. This way, if some errant motorist is unable to or refuses to pay the toll, their car can simply be shoved over the side of the roadway. To facilitate the free flow of traffic, credit cards will be accepted at either end. Banking facilities will be built next to the toll booths in case the driver needs to mortgage their home to pay the toll.
As this roadway is being built to facilitate speedy travel between England and the United States, there will be no posted speed limit. There will be few if any signs along the entire length to distract the driver of the automobile. Cost will be a factor in designating a “Breakdown Lane” and drivers are advised to make sure their cars are in top condition before trying to drive across the Atlantic Ocean. There will be few if any places to stop for repairs.
A clean up crew will patrol the roadway continuously sweeping destroyed autos over the edge off the edge of the road. Motorists are advised not to stop for any reason as people driving at near the speed of sound will have no time to stop behind you. Should your car break down, you will be advised to dive over the edge of the road as quickly as possible to avoid meeting the same fate your stalled auto does.
Written October 1, 2007 Fiction 1077 Words
Copyright © 2007 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
By
Robert P. Herbst
The news of the day centers around the announcement of a cooperative effort between the fearless elected leaders of both Mount Perry, Florida, and Worsbrough Dale, England, to build the World’s First Trans Atlantic Freeway. This freeway will start from a point just below the front of the Swamp County Court House here in Mount Perry, and end in the very center of Worsbrough Dale, England.
Although there is some question about the credentials of the roadway’s designer Dr. Cul DeSack, the project has garnered the unwavering support of the Worlds eminent super highway designer, Dr. Hi Way. Although Dr. DeSack has never built a road with an outlet, Dr. Way assures us Dr. DeSack is quite capable of completing this project.
Of concern to those of us, not versed in the art of road building, are the two pear shaped areas out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean which don’t seem to connect the two ends of the roadway but apparently terminate in a turn around area. At the opposite end, they are called, Round Abouts in England. Exactly why Round Abouts are needed in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean is still a burning question, plans to build the roadway seem to be on track.
Although the cost of this operation is to be shared by the residents of both Mount Perry and Worsbrough Dale, there seems to be some subdued grumbling. Our fearless leaders assure us the payment of additional taxes to pay for the highway will be more than made up for by the increase in business brought to Mount Perry by the influx of English Tourists who would normally land by air plane at Jacksonville or Orlando and American tourists who would normally land at Heathrow or London..
Unfortunately, this same line did not work as well in Worsbrough Dale, resulting in the hanging of effigies outside their town hall. Although we are assured all is well over there, there is some question about why their newspapers said the effigies were hung, then drawn and quartered before being buried alive in a local peat bog. Although this sort of barbaric behavior is looked on with a certain amount of disdain, by the good Christian folk here in Mount Perry, there is a small, but growing, group of residents contemplating the same thing here.
Naturally, in the absence of a peat bog, we would have to chain the effigies to trees out where the Fire Ants, Carnivorous Insects, Poisonous Snakes, Large Black Hairy Spiders and Hungry Alligators could get at them. This would be more in keeping with the history of Mount Perry anyhow.
Although questioned about the strange shape of the roadway in the mid Atlantic, Dr. DeSack had only this to say, “I had to give them somewhere to turn around or they’d be pushing each other off the end.”
Somehow, this seemed to satisfy our fearless leaders who approved the project and allocated a new tax structure to pay for the road assuring all who listened, a temporary toll booth would be set up at this end to collect revenue to help offset the tax burden. We have been assures this will only be a temporary measure.
There are those of us who remember how our fearless leaders, when running a tad short of money, usurped the Excise Tax on each gallon of gasoline sold. This tax was to be used exclusively for the maintenance of roads and bridges. Then the tax was to be put back into the hands of the roads department to be used again for the intended purpose.
Although few remain, there are those of us who do remember the promises of our fearless leaders as they allowed the construction of TEMPORARY TOLL BOOTHS at various bridges and tunnels. These toll booths were to be torn down as soon as the cost of building the road, tunnel or bridge was covered. Now, some 60 years later, the toll booths are still there, collecting ten twenty or up to 500% more than they did when they were built.
Now comes the question of refueling as one drives contentedly across the Atlantic Ocean. Who will own, maintain and sell from these fueling stations. It seems Dr. Way has the answer in the formation of the Way Fuel Oil Company. His motto will be, “If you’re driving across the Atlantic and think you might run out of fuel, we have a WAY for you to fill up.”
There is an English Company run by Wally Turkey of Worsbrough Dale, England who has agreed to take the responsibility on the English end of the roadway. Mr. Turkey has also accepted the responsibility of collecting the tolls at his end. Although the name is not quite as sophisticated as Dr. Way’s name, Turkey Gas does get the message across.
In an effort to eliminate confusion and delay, the toll booths at both ends will be located a few miles out at sea. This way, if some errant motorist is unable to or refuses to pay the toll, their car can simply be shoved over the side of the roadway. To facilitate the free flow of traffic, credit cards will be accepted at either end. Banking facilities will be built next to the toll booths in case the driver needs to mortgage their home to pay the toll.
As this roadway is being built to facilitate speedy travel between England and the United States, there will be no posted speed limit. There will be few if any signs along the entire length to distract the driver of the automobile. Cost will be a factor in designating a “Breakdown Lane” and drivers are advised to make sure their cars are in top condition before trying to drive across the Atlantic Ocean. There will be few if any places to stop for repairs.
A clean up crew will patrol the roadway continuously sweeping destroyed autos over the edge off the edge of the road. Motorists are advised not to stop for any reason as people driving at near the speed of sound will have no time to stop behind you. Should your car break down, you will be advised to dive over the edge of the road as quickly as possible to avoid meeting the same fate your stalled auto does.