Robert P. Herbst
01-08-2008, 12:18 PM
YODAR’S ASTROID
Written December 25, 2007 Fiction 1566 Words
Copyright © 2005 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
by
Robert P. Herbst
Recently, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot, and I watched a TV presentation about the dangers of “Near Earth Orbiting Asteroids” There seems to be a great danger in one of the larger orbiting asteroids leaving orbit and crashing into out Earth, destroying all life on our planet in a single devastating blast.
Yodar was very impressed with the show and began searching the night skies for any sign of an object moving about up there. One night, he found what looked like a pin point slowly moving about in the inky blackness. He came for coffee the next morning, positively white with fear. As I remember, his exact words were, “I done found onea dem asteroid things up there and it’s agona hit us.”
Naturally, being the Mount Perry town idiot, no one paid much attention to what he was saying. After all, what could an idiot possibly know about outer space, unless the space was between his ears? However, we would never say this to our buddy and fellow coffee drinker. He was part of our little group and therefore, we listened politely and passed what he said off as more of his mindless rambling.
Yodar, on the other hand was quite serious about his asteroid. He saved his money and bought a huge telescope with which to study his asteroid, which he promptly named, “Yodar One” or “The Planet Killer”. His nightly observations did indeed indicate the asteroid, Yodar One, was headed right for us. After exhaustive scientific calculations done on paper with a slide rule and his home PC, Yodar calculated the point of impact to be dead center in Mount Perry. We were all doomed, unless, of course, something could be done to make the asteroid go away.
Although Yodar’s calculations about the asteroid seemed correct, one must never lose sight of the fact, Yodar was not called, the Mount Perry town idiot, without good reason, nor should one lose sight of the fact, he was also the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.
Day after day, Yodar showed up for coffee with new calculations and observations of his asteroid. Naturally, Perry Noid, another of our little group, encouraged Yodar, adding his own thoughts about it’s being a giant Government Conspiracy to kill us all and blame it on aliens from outer space.
Skitso Frenick also got into the act saying, “We need to take immediate action to defend ourselves from this threat.” This seemed to peak Yodar’s interest and he was quick to seize on the idea of just how we could destroy or divert the asteroid and make, Yodar One, miss Earth and save the world.
Skitso, explained, the easiest way would be to set off a huge atomic bomb in the path of the asteroid and blow the asteroid into tiny parts or vaporize the threat altogether. In order to do this, a huge atomic bomb must be assembled and placed in a long tube with enough explosive force to hurl the bomb out of Earth’s gravitational pull and make it explode on the side of the asteroid facing Earth.
Yodar, fascinated by the idea, immediately set to work to figure out what would be needed to do all this. He contacted the eminent scientist and mathematical genius Dr. Slip Stick and asked for his help. The two of them needed to calculate on how to build a bomb big enough and propel the bomb high enough to impact the asteroid, before Yodar One struck the Earth.
Together, the two men figured it would have to be a hole in the ground because a mere tube would never contain the explosive force necessary to propel the bomb out into space. The hole would have to be a mile deep with the sides lined with fire brick to keep the water out and the heat of the explosion in, thus heating the air under the bomb and forcing the bomb out of the top of the hole at many times the speed of sound.
Although strapped for money, Yodar began digging a hole in his back yard so he could launch his asteroid killer from there. The digging went on for weeks while Yodar insisted the asteroid was closing in on us rapidly.
Yodar had nearly finished his hole in the ground and was indeed, into the earth’s crust a full mile, when other astronomers began seeing the asteroid on their telescopes and confirmed the mass of the asteroid did indeed make Yodar One a Planet Killer.
Over night, Yodar got all the help he would ever need to complete his hole in the ground launcher and a large enough atomic bomb to break the asteroid into millions of small bits. These small bits would rain harmlessly on Earth as a spectacular meteor shower.
Both Perry Noid and Skitso Frenick, looked over the plans and agreed there was no where near enough explosives in the bomb to do the job properly, nor was there enough explosives in the hole to launch a proper bomb to do the job. As we were all friends at the coffee table, agreement quickly followed to augment the explosive power of both bomb and propulsion fuel to amounts we all though better suited to the job.
After the government had placed their propulsion fuel into the hole, Yodar and his two buddies dumped many tons of hazardous nuclear waste material in on top of the governments charge. They did this at night when no one was watching. Then after the bomb was placed in the hole, the three men went about enhancing the explosive force of the bomb with more hazardous nuclear waste material. After all, using the stuff in this way, would be a lot cheaper than storing the stuff until it “cooled off”.
Now, all we needed do was wait until the hole in the ground was exactly located to point in the path of the asteroid so the bomb could be launched on target. Our boys were gleeful with the thought, no one had seen them augmenting the explosive force of both bomb and propellant. The wait for the big day wasn’t very long at all. The Worlds, Scientific community came together as one, to calculate the exactly moment to fire the “Hole In The Ground Gun” at the marauding asteroid.
At the appointed moment, there was a monstrous roar, as the “Gun” hurled the bomb out into space. Every building for miles around Mount Perry shook violently from the force of the blast, and the hole Yodar had so carefully dug collapsed in on itself leaving no trace the hole was ever there, except for some scorched vegetation around the area and an unexplainably high radiation count.
The massive bomb took a whole day to get to the asteroid, but all eyes the world over, were fixed on the unfolding drama. Would the force of the bomb be enough to destroy or divert the “Planet Killer”? The moments ticked away until there was a monumental blast in outer space, which was seen by fully half the worlds population with the naked eye.
A deathly silence hung in the air until the scientists could confirm the asteroid was no more. Gradually the smoke vanished into the vacuum of outer space and the place where Yodar One had been, was indeed empty again, Yodar had saved the World. People the world over celebrated Yodar Hoopelhoffer as the hero of the day.
However, all was rapidly changing in outer space. It seems the asteroid was not destroyed, but was rather blasted back to where the asteroid had started. The asteroid now hurtled back into the asteroid belt with astronomical speed. The Planet Killing asteroid, now slammed into the asteroid belt at near the speed of light. The core of the Planet Killer was not loose material as had been supposed, but a huge solid chunk of Nickle Iron. Yodar One slammed into the asteroid belt like a Ping Pong ball in a room full of mouse traps.
As the Planet Killer Asteroid bashed into the asteroid belt, the orbit of the other asteroids was disrupted. The asteroids on one side of the returning asteroid began to form a counter orbiting planet. As all the little asteroid in the way of the new planet gathered together the gravitational pull of the mass grew, drawing in more asteroids as the new planet gathered even more mass.
As this new planet grew in size it began to disrupt the orbits of the preexisting planets and our own earth as well. The climate began to have historic swings in temperature and other unheard of geological extremes. The tectonic plates began to move violently as the gravitational pull of the newly formed planet increased each time the orbit brought us closer.
The whole earth convulsed as the new planet grew and moved past us in a counter orbit from the rest of the planets. Volcanos erupted all over the land and the seas boiled as the earth cracked under them and heated the water. The surface of the Earth as we knew it now boiled and seethed causing all living things to die in a mass extinction.
Aren’t you glad I only write fiction?
Written December 25, 2007 Fiction 1566 Words
Copyright © 2005 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.
by
Robert P. Herbst
Recently, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot, and I watched a TV presentation about the dangers of “Near Earth Orbiting Asteroids” There seems to be a great danger in one of the larger orbiting asteroids leaving orbit and crashing into out Earth, destroying all life on our planet in a single devastating blast.
Yodar was very impressed with the show and began searching the night skies for any sign of an object moving about up there. One night, he found what looked like a pin point slowly moving about in the inky blackness. He came for coffee the next morning, positively white with fear. As I remember, his exact words were, “I done found onea dem asteroid things up there and it’s agona hit us.”
Naturally, being the Mount Perry town idiot, no one paid much attention to what he was saying. After all, what could an idiot possibly know about outer space, unless the space was between his ears? However, we would never say this to our buddy and fellow coffee drinker. He was part of our little group and therefore, we listened politely and passed what he said off as more of his mindless rambling.
Yodar, on the other hand was quite serious about his asteroid. He saved his money and bought a huge telescope with which to study his asteroid, which he promptly named, “Yodar One” or “The Planet Killer”. His nightly observations did indeed indicate the asteroid, Yodar One, was headed right for us. After exhaustive scientific calculations done on paper with a slide rule and his home PC, Yodar calculated the point of impact to be dead center in Mount Perry. We were all doomed, unless, of course, something could be done to make the asteroid go away.
Although Yodar’s calculations about the asteroid seemed correct, one must never lose sight of the fact, Yodar was not called, the Mount Perry town idiot, without good reason, nor should one lose sight of the fact, he was also the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.
Day after day, Yodar showed up for coffee with new calculations and observations of his asteroid. Naturally, Perry Noid, another of our little group, encouraged Yodar, adding his own thoughts about it’s being a giant Government Conspiracy to kill us all and blame it on aliens from outer space.
Skitso Frenick also got into the act saying, “We need to take immediate action to defend ourselves from this threat.” This seemed to peak Yodar’s interest and he was quick to seize on the idea of just how we could destroy or divert the asteroid and make, Yodar One, miss Earth and save the world.
Skitso, explained, the easiest way would be to set off a huge atomic bomb in the path of the asteroid and blow the asteroid into tiny parts or vaporize the threat altogether. In order to do this, a huge atomic bomb must be assembled and placed in a long tube with enough explosive force to hurl the bomb out of Earth’s gravitational pull and make it explode on the side of the asteroid facing Earth.
Yodar, fascinated by the idea, immediately set to work to figure out what would be needed to do all this. He contacted the eminent scientist and mathematical genius Dr. Slip Stick and asked for his help. The two of them needed to calculate on how to build a bomb big enough and propel the bomb high enough to impact the asteroid, before Yodar One struck the Earth.
Together, the two men figured it would have to be a hole in the ground because a mere tube would never contain the explosive force necessary to propel the bomb out into space. The hole would have to be a mile deep with the sides lined with fire brick to keep the water out and the heat of the explosion in, thus heating the air under the bomb and forcing the bomb out of the top of the hole at many times the speed of sound.
Although strapped for money, Yodar began digging a hole in his back yard so he could launch his asteroid killer from there. The digging went on for weeks while Yodar insisted the asteroid was closing in on us rapidly.
Yodar had nearly finished his hole in the ground and was indeed, into the earth’s crust a full mile, when other astronomers began seeing the asteroid on their telescopes and confirmed the mass of the asteroid did indeed make Yodar One a Planet Killer.
Over night, Yodar got all the help he would ever need to complete his hole in the ground launcher and a large enough atomic bomb to break the asteroid into millions of small bits. These small bits would rain harmlessly on Earth as a spectacular meteor shower.
Both Perry Noid and Skitso Frenick, looked over the plans and agreed there was no where near enough explosives in the bomb to do the job properly, nor was there enough explosives in the hole to launch a proper bomb to do the job. As we were all friends at the coffee table, agreement quickly followed to augment the explosive power of both bomb and propulsion fuel to amounts we all though better suited to the job.
After the government had placed their propulsion fuel into the hole, Yodar and his two buddies dumped many tons of hazardous nuclear waste material in on top of the governments charge. They did this at night when no one was watching. Then after the bomb was placed in the hole, the three men went about enhancing the explosive force of the bomb with more hazardous nuclear waste material. After all, using the stuff in this way, would be a lot cheaper than storing the stuff until it “cooled off”.
Now, all we needed do was wait until the hole in the ground was exactly located to point in the path of the asteroid so the bomb could be launched on target. Our boys were gleeful with the thought, no one had seen them augmenting the explosive force of both bomb and propellant. The wait for the big day wasn’t very long at all. The Worlds, Scientific community came together as one, to calculate the exactly moment to fire the “Hole In The Ground Gun” at the marauding asteroid.
At the appointed moment, there was a monstrous roar, as the “Gun” hurled the bomb out into space. Every building for miles around Mount Perry shook violently from the force of the blast, and the hole Yodar had so carefully dug collapsed in on itself leaving no trace the hole was ever there, except for some scorched vegetation around the area and an unexplainably high radiation count.
The massive bomb took a whole day to get to the asteroid, but all eyes the world over, were fixed on the unfolding drama. Would the force of the bomb be enough to destroy or divert the “Planet Killer”? The moments ticked away until there was a monumental blast in outer space, which was seen by fully half the worlds population with the naked eye.
A deathly silence hung in the air until the scientists could confirm the asteroid was no more. Gradually the smoke vanished into the vacuum of outer space and the place where Yodar One had been, was indeed empty again, Yodar had saved the World. People the world over celebrated Yodar Hoopelhoffer as the hero of the day.
However, all was rapidly changing in outer space. It seems the asteroid was not destroyed, but was rather blasted back to where the asteroid had started. The asteroid now hurtled back into the asteroid belt with astronomical speed. The Planet Killing asteroid, now slammed into the asteroid belt at near the speed of light. The core of the Planet Killer was not loose material as had been supposed, but a huge solid chunk of Nickle Iron. Yodar One slammed into the asteroid belt like a Ping Pong ball in a room full of mouse traps.
As the Planet Killer Asteroid bashed into the asteroid belt, the orbit of the other asteroids was disrupted. The asteroids on one side of the returning asteroid began to form a counter orbiting planet. As all the little asteroid in the way of the new planet gathered together the gravitational pull of the mass grew, drawing in more asteroids as the new planet gathered even more mass.
As this new planet grew in size it began to disrupt the orbits of the preexisting planets and our own earth as well. The climate began to have historic swings in temperature and other unheard of geological extremes. The tectonic plates began to move violently as the gravitational pull of the newly formed planet increased each time the orbit brought us closer.
The whole earth convulsed as the new planet grew and moved past us in a counter orbit from the rest of the planets. Volcanos erupted all over the land and the seas boiled as the earth cracked under them and heated the water. The surface of the Earth as we knew it now boiled and seethed causing all living things to die in a mass extinction.
Aren’t you glad I only write fiction?