Ma&Pa

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out
"Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."
Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back,
"Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"
" Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"
Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!"
Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back,
"Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"
Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,
"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurt's, don't it ?!"

I will survive!

That made me giggle.

Here's another one:

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her
tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll, she came upon a
gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red
tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato
garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so
much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to
her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks
she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best .

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way,
how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No," she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous".

:lol: