I’ve Created A Monster

I’VE CREATED A MONSTER
Written January 4, 2008 Non Fiction 1159 Words
Copyright © 2005 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved.

by

Robert P. Herbst

Late last year, I decided to train my cat to be a retriever. This, in itself, this is no small matter. Training a cat to do anything, other than eat and sleep, is hard enough, now I was trying to teach kitty to do something useful. This was going to be difficult, but my life has always been an effort to overcome the difficult and beat the impossible into submission.
Now, every one should understand, the cat I was going to teach was a rescue cat from a litter of six. The mother cat had failed to chase off the previous litter and now the new litter could not compete with the first litter and they were starving to death. I got the last one and the poor thing was already near death. I was too late to save the others.
Once having rescued this scrawny little thing, I was faced with the challenge of nursing my new little buddy back to health. Just getting rid of the fleas on the poor little cat was a major undertaking.
This I was able to accomplish with lots of care and staying right with the little cat until kitty was feeling better. During this time, kitty and I formed a bond. I had thought only dogs did this, but here a cat was sleeping at my feet and following me where ever I went.
Oddly enough, this little kitty seems to enjoy playing in the water. When I brush my teeth, the cat will jump up on the vanity and play in the stream of water from the faucet. If there is no water, kitty curls up in the empty sink and sleeps. When I take my shower, the cat wants to get into the shower with me and play in the water. If I take a bath, kitty wants into the tub with me, strange behavior for a cat.
In December of 2007 I bought some powdered drink mix. This was your standard dry powder, you mix with water and drink as needed. The powder came packed in six little plastic tubs in a container. One day, after mixing up a batch, I happened to knock an empty tub off the table. The tub made an interesting noise on striking the floor. Kitty was on the thing in a flash, batting it from one side of the room to the other in a frenzy of activity.
I was thankful, in a way, kitty had found something else to bat and bite. This was going to give my hands a chance to heal and the cuts to mend. Kitty has yet to understand how sharp the claws have become and how strong the jaws are when the cat sinks it’s teeth into me.
Later I picked the tub up and threw the thing as far as I could. The thing didn’t go very far because there was really no weight to it, without the weight there was no kinetic energy to keep the object moving. On hitting the floor, Kitty immediately pounced on the tub again, with great determination. The tub made a great noise as the frenzied activity kept the tub bouncing off walls and floors in every direction.
When the activity stopped again, I picked up the tub and tossed the thing as far as I could. Again, the tub didn’t go very far, but kitty was on the thing in a flash, once again in a frenzy of activity. This time however, a strange thing happened. Kitty picked up the tub and carried it back to where I sat, dropping the tub near my feet. The tub wasn’t a big thing and, of course, very light. The ideal toy for a cat.
The problem was, kitty did not always drop the tub in the same place. Kitty seemed to think anywhere in the general area would do nicely. However, this involved me in a search for the toy every time the noise of the tub being bashed from wall to wall, stopped. When the noise stopped, I knew the tub would be somewhere around or under my chair. More training was needed.
I began rewarding kitty with treats when the tub was dropped at a particular location. This seemed to work quite well and I was able to discontinue the treats within a day or two. Kitty continued to drop the toy in the same spot as long as I’d pick the thing up and toss it as far as I could again.
Naturally this meant nothing else got done until kitty was too tired to move. On the good side, I found I was able to tell kitty where I wanted the tub by tapping lightly on the spot I wanted the tub dropped. I’d say, “Put it here!” But I think the words were a wasted effort.
Now, a problem began to develop. Kitty did not recognize a specific play time and began carrying the tub clenched in it’s teeth dropping the toy on my desk, bed or table where ever I happened to be, no matter what I was doing.
Picture yourself, snug in your bed, on a cold winters night, just drifting off to the land of nod, when a wild cat lands on you, with a little plastic tub clenched in it’s teeth, wanting to play. This only needs happen a few times before the humor in the situation, wears rather thin.
The new year has arrived and with this, kitty had developed a new trick. If no little plastic tub can be found, larger heavier objects will do. In fact anything kitty can pick up and carry will do. Kitty is a rather nice example of a, Long Haired Tiger Striped Alleycatus Nonsepcificis. Kitty is appropriately soft and cuddly as it snuggles in next to me under the covers at night.
This is fine until the urge to play again happens, then I can find any number of different toys in bed with me, some of which have sharp points on them. This is not necessarily a good thing when one owns a waterbed. I can hardly wait until I find a half dead mouse or rat in my bed, with kitty sitting proudly near by waiting for me to throw the thing as a toy.
The other problem is, kitty is growing and as the cat gets bigger, so do the toys the cat can carry. Magazines and small books are fair game for kitty. There are also a great number of other items, like pencils pens and knives, forks and spoons. I’ve had to start hiding my tooth brush in a drawer in the bathroom. Half used bars of soap have started to turn up in the most unusual places.
Who knows where this will end.