NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full
hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding
you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.
PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.
DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting
in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and
the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
duration,and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager
to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him.
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