Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show
for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new
hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or
anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your Ex-husband
PS Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia Together! Have a great life!
---------------------------------
Dear Ex-husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the
price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning .. and your
silk boxers were $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work
it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when
I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So
take care.
Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!
PS I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
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Originally Posted by Nflight
